Breaking Point
by AvatardAtHeart
Summary: Mai wonders, sometimes, what her life would have been life if maybe, she would have been raised differently. If she had been able to show her feelings, to care more about things. And then she realizes how little that matters now.


Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Avatar.

A/N: I love Maiko. After Tokka, it is my favorite Avatar ship. I love how normal they are, no big proclamation of love with epic music playing in the background, just normal, hot Maiouts... That and their back story is so interesting, which is why I wrote this.

If she had been anybody else, she would have broken down long before now. If she was someone normal who was in touch with his or her emotions, someone who wasn't afraid to feel, she would have given up trying and just fall to the ground and cry about how unfair life is.

She would have, upon hearing of Zuko's failure in his Angi Kai, of the disfigurement of his face, of his banishment, run to his chamber, throw herself upon his bed and pledge her undying love to him. She would have spent days, weeks, months, in solitude, holed up in her own chamber, wailing about how life could not go on, adorn herself in black (which she already done, only out of boredom and not of mourning) and basically succumb to a life of wallowing in self-pity.

Instead, she watched calmly as Azula delivered the news, and replied with only "That's unfortunate." She waited until evening fell and the frantic scatterings of the maids, desperate to have to the boat ready for the morning's departure, subsided and sleep covered the palace, and then she stealthily slid to the infirmary were he lay in pain, slipping in and out of consciousness, a large bandage covering most of his face. She laid a stone she found in the gardens earlier that night, onyx and shaped naturally like a heart, on his traveling pack and into his uncovered ear, she whispered "I'll wait. However long it takes…" And then she slid out, just as silently as she came, and never spoke of any of the events to anyone.

She would have, when her parents announced their moving to some far off Earth Kingdom colony, thrown herself at her parents feet and begged them to stay in the Royal City. To not remove from the only people she could call her friends. To not remove her from a place were her position was secured as dear friend of the Princess and intended of the Prince, should he ever return. She would have thrown fits and tantrums and even turn to Azula, and beg that if her parents must go, then she could stay behind and live, as she had for the past few years, at the palace.

No, she packed her belongings, few and meaningless, while a puffy eyed Ty Lee and a quieter than usual Azula watched and uttered their good-byes and grievances and promises to write. She sat tall and proud as they road out of the city, their carriage the finest the Fire Nation could offer, and never once looked back at the place she had called home.

When he left her again, this time his own choice and not his father's, she would have been terribly angry with him, for leaving her with nothing but a note but at the same time terribly sad, for the one time she had experienced bliss, happiness, perfection, was over. She would be so muffled, heartbroken and sad one moment and the next moment she would be enraged and furious, that she would spend her days as a mix between sobbing, writing heartfelt notes that would never be sent, and screaming into her pillow, planning ways to get revenge.

Instead she read the note once, twice, three times and then folded it into her sleeves, hidden as deeply as her various knives and stilettos. Oh well, perfection never lasted forever, it would have been idiotic for her to believe it could.

Even at the Boiling Rock, when she confronted him for the first time since he had left her, she did not scream or cry or raise her voice to high extremities that only emotional girls could reach, but merely accosted the captured Zuko and calmly how stupid it had been that Zuko leave her behind, and more so behind with only a note.

Prison nearly broke her. The filth, the rats, the prison guards, leering and gross, their hands caressing places they shouldn't, the utter darkness; they were all factors in some sick game to see how long she could last. At the beginning it was easier, because Ty Lee was with her, only a thin stone wall between the two, and they would converse, but as time progressed, Ty Lee became less and less Ty Lee, and more and more gone, her mind and spirit shattered, and Mai was left alone, for not the first time in her life.

It wasn't until much later, as for the first time in months she stepped into the sun and she blinked back the blinding and unfamiliar light and Zuko's arms encased her dangerously thin and brittle form, that she cried. For hours and hours she laid in Zuko's embrace, so stronger than she remembered, and sobbed, as her stroked her silken black hair.

If she were someone other than herself, maybe life wouldn't so hard. If she had only given up long ago, at the first signs of trouble and despair, she wouldn't have gone through what she had. But she was not some one other than herself, and she did quit easily, and her life was hard and difficult and unfair, and frankly Mai couldn't care less.


End file.
